She's manipulated by a man that turns to be her husband. Not just her, but 18 women also manipulated for their body while they've already married.
I just knew how foolish women can become when they are seduced with sweet words and gifts. Even when their man is proven toying them, they still forgive them after that man plead sorry and crying (of course it's just fake).
You need God to find good soulmate and not just trusting your own understanding
I'll copy her story to this post
I hate my husband but I still live with him. For my kids are in a very volatile age. 9 and 13. I smile at him when i look at his face everyday but deep down i cry every night when i sleep next to him.
Mine was a love marriage. We met at work and dated for about a hear and half before our parents asked us if we wanted to get married. Innocent and naive as we were just 23, we said yes. We just kissed before marriage, though we had a lot of opportunities to get intimate. I was so stupid that i never knew much about sex. I got pregnant in the first six months of marriage. There was not much internet those days (2005) and i also never had friends who would talk about love or sex. Love marriage was still a taboo in my family and i was the first one to break that record and to even marry to a Punjabi.
My son was born just a week after my first wedding anniversary. Though we didn’t want a baby so early, everybody including my husband was very happy. But motherhood doesn’t come easy. I was working full time, had an infant, aspiring MBA student and a nagging mother-in-law at home who expected me to do all the chores. My health started to suffer due to lack of sleep and after too much struggle I left my job. I decided to get back to work after a break of 9 months and also moved into a separate house with my son and husband.
When my son turned one, i realized he needed more of my time so i decided to work on night shifts. My husband was working during day and i was working nights. Since my son was too young, he became my priority. My husband felt neglected. To save time, we moved closer to work. Now our office was just 5 min drive from our house or 10–15 min walk and we had our offices in the same building. While I was busy working and taking care of my son at home during day, my husband was having fun in his office. For next four years, i had to undergo at least one termination of pregnancy every year because my husband didn’t want the second child. When my son was about 3 and 1/2 yr, I got pregnant again and decided to continue with it though my husband didn’t want a second child yet. And that made him angry. He decided to take revenge from me. How dare did i go against him. He started meeting women as a single or as someone who’s undergoing divorce.
I did not know what he was doing in his office. He started coming back late from office citing work and onshore calls and what not. I was on maternity leaves when he mentioned that he would be late since he had a party in the office. My daughter was just 28 days old. It was 3:00 AM when i called him, he messaged stating party is still on. When he didn’t pick my call, i called a colleague who told me that party got over at 11:30 PM. That was the second time when I caught him lying. I messaged him the same and he cam back home and said Sorry. I wished I had listened to my mind that night. I caught him lying first time when a girl from his office called me and i heard him saying “I love you” to her in the background. On confrontation he told me that it was joke but later i got to know that she was his gf while i was his fiancee.
Anyways, i forgave him that night. Fast forward, we moved to US in 2012 when my son was 7 and daughter was about 3. He was alone in the US for about 6 months before i moved in here with kids. And his mother had to go through the toughest times of her life back in home country, fighting some legal battles when i was by her side all the time. (He told his roomies here in US that he’s single and he referred to us as his relatives) I left my job (I was a Manager in an MNC and earning a decent salary) and moved to US, Even his best friends here did not know that he was married and had kids. Anyways, we lived in a garage turned into a two room house for about a yr and half before i got a job here and finally we moved into an apartment. My husband had the opportunity to travel through his work to a lot of places, domestic and international. When i started to work, once again i am earning more than him (i was earning more than him when we got married)
My husband showed love to kids in his spare time, though he was never there to send kids to school. He would work late nights and would wake up late in the morning unless he has an office call. He would show love to me like normal and we had normal sex life. May of 2015, i needed the apartment lease documents to be shared as an address proof to get my daughter admitted to the school. I asked him to share the documents with me. Accidentally, he shared a folder which had pictures of his honeymoon with his girlfriend from Singapore. I was shaken to the core. She was a divorcee whom he met when i was pregnant with my daughter in India in 2010. He offered her a job and also told her that he’s also going through a divorce. They dated for a while and while he moved to US, she moved to Singapore for a job. He went to Singapore in Aug 2013 from US citing office work, but he went there at his own expense to spend time with her. Poor girl, i saw the messages where she was ready to accept my kids as her own not knowing that my asshole husband was just playing with her. He promised her to bring her to US on his sponsorship but all fake promises. Later she saw me posting pics with him on FB then she understood that there’s no divorce and disconnected with him. When i got to know of this in may 2015, i contacted that girl and felt sorry for her My husband cheated on me and also on her. I decided to separate my savings from my husband since i learned that he barely has any savings though for a really long time i was not even working and he earned more than me. I also asked for divorce and got the forms. He never signed or filled those forms. 5 months went by and we had to go back to India to attend a wedding. We went back together pretending that nothing happened. Returned to US after a month in early Jan 2016. Things again started to become normal. My husband knows how to make a woman happy. He would bring flowers, gifts and show love and always ask me to go for shopping and all. I really got off him after i discovered this girl from Singapore but i thought it was long distance and may be just a fling so i decided to give my marriage another try.
Everything was coming back to normal again. Fast forward feb 2017, I was out with the family to celebrate my anniversary and kids birthday in UK. Just minutes after landing in London when i turned on my phone. I had messages missed calls from all my family. There is an fb account who’s sending friend requests to all my family and office colleagues with my husband in the pic with a girl. The account had pictures of this girl with him at various locations in India, LA, SFO, her home, malls, shopping, kissing, smooching, cutting birthday cakes, singing songs, swimmings and what not. Once again, I lost the ground from under my feet. I accepted the friend request from her. She was my husband’s current gf from local area who he had been fooling around since late 2014. He met her as a single in Dec 2014 and ofcourse the girl fell in love with him since the first meeting. They had made trips to Napa and NY in the very first month of meeting. He helped her get rid of her virginity. She told him that she’s a one man woman and he showed her the dreams of marriage (while still married to me and fathering my kids). They talked for hours every night, he sent her a good night kiss and a song for every morning to wake up with. It took me three whole nights to read there messages. One monday night i didn’t sleep at all and interesting i didn’t feel sleepy during the day at all. I looked back at all the conversations he had with her since 2014. Every evening when he was going to gym after work, he was going to meet her at her home. There were days when he told he’s wfh in office but spent the entire day at her place. They were so much in love. I could feel the passion and desperation to meet from their messages. They met everyday, On Saturdays, my H would wake up at 11:30 and come out of his room ready to leave the house in the name of playing badminton. Later only i got to know about their plans of meeting out for brunch on Saturdays.
Funny or weird, she got to know that he’s married around the same time when i got to know of his gf from Singapore in May 2015. This asshole cried in front of her stating that he’s undergoing a divorce and fighting for the custody of his children whom he love dearly just so that he could continue to have sex with her. She didn’t give in easily and decided to meet only after divorce is done which he promised should not take more than 6 months as per CA law. Being in love, it was difficult for her to not see him, she started following my every pic on fb and every dp on whatsapp. My H deleted his fb account and all references to him and us much before meeting this girl. He made a point to not get clicked with me in any pic. He started meeting her again on the promise that he’ll be divorced in 6 months and he’s asking his lawyer to expedite the process. ofcourse, since now she knew that he’s married she was not giving in to him that easily. Yet, he persuaded her every time using his skills. He continued to use her, abuse her all of 2016 and she trusted him hoping for a future with him. She denied to go to Europe with him until he got this resolved on an office trip. The bastard called another gf from India to be his ally in Europe to have fun. Unaware of his true side, early Jan 2016, she asked to meet his lawyer. That’s when he mentioned that it’s getting difficult for him to get the custody and hence the divorce (which was not even there). He produced fake divorce documents, copying info from internet to convince her. He started ignoring her calls. He asked to meet just once a week until divorce is resolved. In Feb 2017, when i was going to London, i updated my whatapp status to reflect the same. She saw it. And when his phone was also not reachable for long, she understood it. That’s when she created the new fb account, posted all their travel and pictures of good times and send a friend request to all in the family. I was so ashamed to see those pictures. I spoke with that girl at length that night. I feel sorry for her. She loved him so much only to get betrayed in the end. I am just living with him. I don’t even like him.
Our London vacation was such an eye opener. I told her and my H that i do not want to come in between them but she didn’t want to see his face. I still had to bear with him. Upon my return, i met this beautiful young lady. She’s also a Manager in a big tech firm in this silicon valley. She shared all the pictures and the messages from day 1 of their meeting in dec 2014. It took me three days to read everything. I started at 10:00 PM on Monday night and it was 7:00 AM on tuesday and i was only half done. I was not sleepy at all though. I woke up kids and sent them to school. Took an off from work that day and read through the rest.
My kids heard me lose my control and screaming an crying for the first time. I was disgusted not because of what he did to me but what he did to her. He literally just used her to play with her body. So far this is the second woman i discovered who my husband had abused. I thought of paying a third party (some website and other sources) to get more information.
I figured he was arranging for his dates by offering jobs to good looking females on linkedin, he would look for female airbnb hosts if he’s visiting a city and ask for a dinner date citing he’s new to the area. He would meet them as single or divorcee whatever would earn him a fuck. I discovered that he has used and abused at least 18 women and they all left him after discovering his lies. There were times when he was sleeping with three different women around the same time. I have spoken to atleast 11 of them and have copies of emails and texts exchanged between him and them. He would not leave any opportunity, a co-passenger in plane, a colleague in office, every vagina is welcome.
It was very difficult for me to keep my cool when i discovered his truth and confronted him. He agreed to all his doings. My kids got shocked and cried when they saw us fighting. My daughter loves him. They don’t know his truth yet. My son is 13 now, very fragile age. He has promised me that he’ll never do it again. It doesn’t make any difference though. I am waiting for my kids to grow up before i tell it to them. To them, he is a hero. I don’t want to break their trust yet. And honestly, he’s good with them now (they are not high maintenance anymore :))
I am embarrassed to be his wife. His family knows everything, all the girls had gone but I am stuck with him. I love my kids. I hate myself when i look at him and smile. I do it so my kids could see us smiling together.
I feel so lonely. I am not able to make true friends since i am afraid that anyone who would know this side of him would not like to stay in touch with me or my family. I don’t talk to my old friend anymore since they all know his truth.
Reply- Thanks everyone for reading through my blabber.
As someone rightly commented, i needed to vent out. I am absolutely open to divorce. It’s just that I have tried it twice in the past, got the forms, filled and signed and waited for him to sign. But it never went beyond that wait. He doesn’t want to let me go. Since I’m earning more than him, i would not get any alimony or child support even if i keep the kids (that’s what a friend has told me). And i don’t have the energy to fight for it.
He’s a great talker. He’s fair and looks cute but I would not call him dashing. He looks like young Rishi Kapoor if you know this actor. Everyone around him loves him. And he shows love and care for everyone. He would always buy flowers and other gifts for all his gfs. In 2015, while dating this girl, he threw a surprise birthday party for me at my home and invited my college friends to make me happy. After few weeks, he took her to a cruise dinner in SFO for valentine’s evening. At home, he always help in chores. He has even cooked meals for his last gf at her home. That’s why she was madly in love with him. If not for his lies, he would make a perfect partner. The problem is that i don’t feel any love for him. If anything, i feel angry and disgusted because this last girl was madly in love with him and he just used her. I understand that he grew out of love for me, but he should not have done this to this girl.
Moreover, my kids adore him. He would tell them stories (he’s a great story teller) and jokes. He scold the kids if they scream at me or say anything mean or disrespectful(which kids usually do at this age). He also knows how to be strict with my son who’s in early teen and needs a lot of supervision.
Me and my husband don’t fight anymore. I just don’t talk to him much and try to avoid him as much as i can without it becoming obvious to kids. If i don’t agree to him, i just don’t answer him. I do whatever i want to do. We are a great couple in front of friends and kids. It’s just that heart connection is missing.
Edit2: Yes, I will leave him one day for sure. I like his absence. And I would never want to be in a serious relationship ever again. I don’t trust any men and actually I don’t trust anyone. And I don’t think I need one. I would love to make new friends and would not shy away from having friends for benefits.
Even if not by divorce, once my kids are out to college, I’ll leave the house. Here on quora itself I’ve read so many stories where kids had a bitter childhood because of divorced/step parents. My kids are happy kids and i want them to stay that ways as long as they are big enough to understand what happened. I will tell them all the truth with all the pictures and messages in front of their father once they are ready for it. For now, I don’t want my teenage boy to go undisciplined without his father and also lose his basketball buddy at home. My daughter loves him and I feel great when i see them giggling together on his stories which also happens quite often.
My husband did go for sex addiction therapy and HIV test last year when it all came out in open. Yes i did have a discussion with him then and I told him that I want him to leave. He cried and went down on his knees and said that he’ll never do it again and will always be there for kids and me. It didn’t lessen any of my hatred for him though. I do not trust his words and even actions. Yes, I do break down and cry out loud when i am alone. Fortunately, I don’t have too many of those moments. I got myself and kids enrolled into too many things in last two years to keep us occupied. I am a karate blue belt now, targeting to be black in next two years. I learnt skiing last year and went to blue slopes. Hopefully will do black diamonds this year. I try to cook new stuff in the kitchen, thanks to all those videos on social media. I am learning Spanish, take a small online class everyday. I also planted some vegetable saplings and spend my Sun mornings with my tools. I also do a lot of volunteering activities and my office work also keep me fairly busy.
Thanks to everyone for showing your love and concern. I just want to say that i haven’t yet made peace with what has happened to me and other girls because of him. In my mind, I am not doing justice to other girls by still letting him have a good family life, but if that’s what it takes to give my kids a peaceful and memorable childhood, then let it be.
This’s my first post on Quora and I am glad to read so many supportive comments. Thank you for all the guidance. Gratitude!
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